Influence: How to Make Progress With Other People

Progress is rarely a solo act. Whether you’re shaping ideas, resolving conflict, or driving change, success depends on others choosing to move with you.

Influence is the skill that turns ideas into movement.

Influence Begins With Respect

Influence is part of everyday life. You influence people when you share an idea, make a recommendation, or express a preference. It’s relational. It respects the other person’s agency. It says: “Here’s my perspective. You choose.”

Manipulation crosses the line when someone shapes another person’s thoughts or behaviour without their awareness or without respecting their autonomy. It hides its motives. It pressures, distorts, or exploits. It communicates: “I’m steering you, and I don’t want you to notice.”

The difference is intent.

Influence encourages someone toward an outcome that benefits them, even if it benefits you as well.

Manipulation moves someone toward an outcome that serves you at their expense.

The difference will either build or erode your character over time.

The Foundations of Influence

Influence is the endgame of the soft skills. It’s how communication, empathy, and confidence convert into results. A topic I explore further in Communication Is a Superpower.

At its core, influence works because people respond to three things:

Logic — what makes sense
Emotion — what feels right
Credibility — who they trust

When one dominates, the message loses its balance and its impact. Logic without humanity can feel cold. Emotion without clarity can feel manipulative. And relying on credibility alone can appear arrogant.

Effective influence blends all three. Credibility earns attention, logic earns agreement, and emotion earns commitment. When they come together, it’s natural.

Alignment Beats Persuasion

When people think about influence, they often think about convincing: stronger arguments, better logic, sharper rhetoric.

Sometimes that works. Often it doesn’t.

One of the most effective ways to influence is not to persuade, but to align interests. This is why effective negotiation aims for win-win outcomes. When someone can clearly see how a proposed outcome serves their needs, resistance drops. The challenge is understanding what those needs are in the first place. This is where emotional intelligence matters. Influence begins before the conversation. It begins with understanding what the other person values.

Understanding what others value relies on one of the most underappreciated skills: listening, which I cover in detail in Listening: How to Unlock Growth, Connection, and Influence.

Why some people have the power to influence

Power feels abstract. Yet we respond to it constantly, usually without noticing.

We all know people whose opinions carry more weight than others. Think about someone you know who carries influence.

Why do people listen to them?
Why do their opinions carry weight?

When you’ve seen someone fail to get buy-in, what stopped their influence?

Influence exists within relationships, and certain factors give people more sway in specific situations. These are often described as power bases, such as:

expertise or skill
role or authority
control over information
trust and personal credibility
access to networks or decision-makers
the ability to reward or withhold outcomes

Once you start noticing these in the real world, you’ll see how they shape how people’s responses.

Two things matter here.

Power is contextual. Expertise only influences you if you value it. Authority only works if you recognise it.
Power is cumulative. Over time, competence, credibility, and relationships reinforce one another.

Understanding this helps you recognise how influence operates and how much influence you have in a given situation.

Push and Pull: What’s Your Style?

Push and pull are two very different styles of influence, and understanding the difference helps you choose the right approach for the situation.

Push is directive. You’re driving the movement. Push says: “Do this. Like this.”

You give instructions, arguments, or solutions.
You rely on logic, expertise, or authority.
You’re trying to move someone toward a specific action or conclusion.
It works best when clarity, speed, or structure is needed.

If overused, it can make people feel pressured, controlled, or talked at. Resistance goes up. It creates compliance without commitment.

Pull is inviting. You’re drawing the other person toward the idea. Pull says: “How do you want to do this?”

You ask questions, listen, and explore.
You appeal to shared values, curiosity, or intrinsic motivation.
You help the other person discover the conclusion themselves.
It works best when buy‑in, creativity, or long‑term commitment matters.

When pull is overused, it can feel slow, vague, or indirect. Some people want direction and get frustrated. It can lead to consensus without movement.

Most skilled communicators know when to use them both. Pull creates ownership and is usually more effective over the long term. But don’t underestimate push: it can create rapid movement, especially in a crisis.

Right message, but is it the right time?

Timing shapes how a message lands. The same words can inspire at one moment and irritate at another. Influence depends not just on what is said, but on whether the other person is ready to hear it.

The right message, delivered at the wrong time, becomes the wrong message.

Emotional intelligence is key to sensing when someone is ready for change, a topic I explore more in Why Emotional Intelligence Might Be the Key to Your Growth.

Influence as a Long Game

Influence is rarely achieved in the moment you need it. It’s the result of the relationship as a whole. It comes from quiet, consistent groundwork: the trust you build through reliability, the credibility you establish long before anyone asks for proof, and the small signals of respect you send in everyday interactions. By the time a pivotal conversation arrives, people are already inclined to follow your lead or they are not.

You never know when you might need to influence someone, so prepare over time. Be a team player. Support others. Build relationships. Consistency, integrity, and follow‑through compound. Trust expands your influence. Misuse of power erodes your credibility. You might get away with manipulation in the short term, but over time it burns bridges.

In the long run, you reap what you sow.

Think win-win and, more often than not, you will win.

For those who want to explore influence further, Influence by Robert Cialdini is a seminal work, and personal recommendation would be to read Never Split the Difference by Chris Voss.

Final Thought

Influence isn’t about control. It’s about progress.

When trust is present, timing is right, and interests are aligned, people don’t feel persuaded. They become willing. And willingness is where real progress begins.