Soft Skills: The Social WD-40 That Reduces Friction at Work and in Life

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

In any setting, whether you're at work, with family, or in your community, friction is inevitable. Misunderstandings, ego clashes, poor collaboration… all of these disconnect us from the people we interact with.

Just as WD-40 keeps machines running smoothly, soft skills keep human interactions friction-free. You don’t always notice them in action, but you notice when they’re missing. It’s kind of like cooking without seasoning, you’ll notice that… it’s just missing something.

Think about your last team meeting, job interview, or difficult conversation. If it went well, it probably wasn’t just because of what was said, but how it was said. That’s the power of soft skills: subtle, powerful, and essential.

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Carl Buehner, although often misattributed to Maya Angelou.

What Are Soft Skills?

Soft skills are the human abilities that help us navigate social and professional situations, like how we communicate, collaborate, adapt, and manage emotions. They’re often contrasted with hard skills, which are specific, technical abilities, like coding, accounting, or project management. Think of hard skills as what you do, and soft skills as how you do it.

As the maxim goes, technical skills get your foot in the door, but soft skills keep you in the room. And in today’s evolving workplace, they matter more than ever.

Why Soft Skills Matter More Than Ever

The workplace has evolved quickly. Remote work, AI, and shifting expectations have changed how we collaborate, lead, and connect. In this new reality, soft skills are essential.

1. Remote & Hybrid Work Changed Communication
Without face-to-face interaction, communication becomes more nuanced. Misunderstandings are easier, and clarity, empathy, and emotional intelligence are what keep remote teams aligned and productive.

2. Automation Replaced Routine, Not Relationships
AI can handle tasks, but it can’t build trust, resolve conflict, or lead with empathy. Soft skills are what make us irreplaceably human, and they’re becoming our biggest competitive edge.

3. Collaboration Is Cross-Functional and Global
Projects are more complex than ever, and increasingly span departments, cultures, and time zones. Adaptability, inclusivity, and teamwork are what make that complexity work.

4. Leadership Is People-Centric
Modern leaders aren’t just decision-makers; they’re mentors, motivators, and culture-shapers. That takes deep emotional intelligence and strong interpersonal skills.

5. Culture and Wellbeing Matter More Than Ever
Employees want to feel heard, respected, and supported. Soft skills help create psychologically safe environments where people thrive.

In short: technical skills might get you hired, but soft skills help you grow, lead, and stay relevant.

 

Where Soft Skills Reduce Friction

Here are just a few friction points soft skills help smooth out:

• Misunderstandings
• Conflict or interpersonal tension
• Lack of trust
• Poor collaboration
• Resistance to feedback or change
• Low morale or engagement
• Disconnected or demotivated teams
• Customer dissatisfaction

Soft skills help you handle these moments with clarity, empathy, and control. They keep things moving when they could easily fall apart.

 

“Soft Skills are Just Natural”… Right?

One of the most common myths about soft skills is that they’re innate. People assume you’re either a “people person” or you’re not, either emotionally intelligent or tone-deaf.

But this simply isn’t true.

Soft skills can be learned, developed, and refined over time. And like any skill, they get sharper with intention and practice. And if this is something you’d like to know more about, check out my post on Growth Mindset.

I know this firsthand. I used to volunteer for Samaritans, an organization that supports people in emotional distress across the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland. The role isn’t about giving advice, it’s about listening. In fact, our official title was Listening Volunteers.

We didn’t solve problems. We listened, empathized, and validated. These weren’t natural talents; they were practiced soft skills. And sometimes, they saved lives.

 

Some of the Most Valuable Soft Skills

There are hundreds of ways to categorize soft skills, but here are some of the most impactful:

Core soft skills:

• Communication – being clear, concise, and compassionate
• Emotional intelligence – recognizing and managing emotions
• Collaboration – working well with others toward a shared goal
• Adaptability – staying flexible when things change
• Listening – truly hearing what others say, not just waiting to respond
• Organization – managing time and tasks efficiently
• Problem-solving – finding smart, practical solutions

More niche but powerful soft skills:

• Empathy – understanding someone else’s perspective without judgment
• Cultural awareness – navigating diverse teams with sensitivity
• Conflict resolution – handling disagreement constructively
• Storytelling – sharing ideas through engaging and relatable stories
• Influence – persuading others without force

 

Why You Should Invest in Your Soft Skills

Soft skills are the icing on the cake. They make good work great, and great teams exceptional.

Soft skills don’t always get the spotlight. They don’t show up in KPIs or performance dashboards. They’re difficult to measure, and because of that, they’re often overlooked in traditional professional development paths.

 

But if you master them, you’ll shine in ways others can’t explain. You’ll seem calm under pressure. People will want to work with you. Leaders will trust you with more responsibility.

You’ll become a smooth operator and glide through tough moments, resolve issues, build bridges, and lift teams.

In a world rapidly shaped by technology, artificial intelligence, and automation, one truth remains constant: people work with people. No AI can do this better than humans, no AI can do this better than you can.

How to Develop Soft Skills: Practical Tips

If you want to take your soft skills seriously, treat them like any other area of growth. Be deliberate.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Seek feedback
Ask colleagues, friends, or mentors: “What’s one thing I could improve in how I communicate or collaborate?” You don’t need a formal 360 review, just honest conversations.

And once you’ve gathered feedback, take time to reflect. My post on Introspection explores how reflection can turn feedback into real growth.

2. Observe role models
Watch how skilled communicators handle tension, how great leaders listen, how some people navigate conflict without drama. Learn by watching and then try to model those behaviors.

3. Use skill-specific exercises

• Try active listening (e.g., paraphrasing back what someone said before responding)
• Keep a journal where you reflect on how others might have experienced a situation
• Practice assertive communication, being clear and direct, maintaining compassion without being rude or offensive – a fine line that’s difficult to master.

4. Develop Soft Skills Through Real-Life Experiences

For example, joining a group like Toastmasters International gives you regular opportunities to practice public speaking, active listening, and giving constructive feedback. You’ll learn to read a room, adapt your tone, and communicate with clarity, all in a supportive environment.

Volunteering is another great option. Whether it’s mentoring, community outreach, or support roles, these experiences build empathy, patience, and teamwork in real-world settings.

Real-world growth through hard work is powerful. I share more on that here.

5. Try formal training
Courses, workshops, or coaching can be incredibly effective. Just make sure they’re practical, not just theory-based.

Want to go deeper? These books are excellent companions to developing soft skills:

·       Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler – Master high-stakes conversations with clarity and empathy.

·       Radical Candor by Kim Scott – Learn how to give honest feedback while showing genuine care.

 

Final Thoughts: The Invisible Edge

Soft skills won’t earn you a certificate. You won’t always get public credit for them. But they’re the difference between being technically competent and being truly exceptional.

If you want to reduce friction in your career, your relationships, and your growth, work on your soft skills. You don’t need to overhaul everything. Just pick one area to focus on this month.

Start small but be deliberate. Soft skills are no longer “nice to have”. They’re essential. So, here’s your challenge: pick one soft skill to focus on this month. Practice it. Reflect on it. Ask for feedback.

Because when things get stuck, soft skills are the social WD-40 that keep you moving.