Soft Skills: The Social WD-40 That Reduces Friction at Work and in Life

Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash

In any setting, whether you're at work, with family, or in your community, friction is inevitable. Misunderstandings, ego clashes, poor collaboration… all of these disconnect us from the people we interact with.

Just as WD-40 keeps machines running smoothly, soft skills keep human interactions friction-free. You don’t always notice them in action, but you notice when they’re missing. It’s kind of like cooking without seasoning, you’ll notice that… it’s just missing something.

Think about your last team meeting, job interview, or difficult conversation. If it went well, it probably wasn’t just because of what was said, but how it was said. That’s the power of soft skills: subtle, powerful, and essential.

“They may forget what you said, but they will never forget how you made them feel.” Carl Buehner, although often misattributed to Maya Angelou.

What Are Soft Skills?

Soft skills are the human abilities that help us navigate social and professional situations, like how we communicate, collaborate, adapt, and manage emotions. They’re often contrasted with hard skills, which are specific, technical abilities, like coding, accounting, or project management. Think of hard skills as what you do, and soft skills as how you do it.

As the maxim goes, technical skills get your foot in the door, but soft skills keep you in the room. And in today’s evolving workplace, they matter more than ever.

Why Soft Skills Matter More Than Ever

The workplace has evolved quickly. Remote work, AI, and shifting expectations have changed how we collaborate, lead, and connect. In this new reality, soft skills are essential.

1. Remote & Hybrid Work Changed Communication
Without face-to-face interaction, communication becomes more nuanced. Misunderstandings are easier, and clarity, empathy, and emotional intelligence are what keep remote teams aligned and productive.

2. Automation Replaced Routine, Not Relationships
AI can handle tasks, but it can’t build trust, resolve conflict, or lead with empathy. Soft skills are what make us irreplaceably human, and they’re becoming our biggest competitive edge.

3. Collaboration Is Cross-Functional and Global
Projects are more complex than ever, and increasingly span departments, cultures, and time zones. Adaptability, inclusivity, and teamwork are what make that complexity work.

4. Leadership Is People-Centric
Modern leaders aren’t just decision-makers; they’re mentors, motivators, and culture-shapers. That takes deep emotional intelligence and strong interpersonal skills.

5. Culture and Wellbeing Matter More Than Ever
Employees want to feel heard, respected, and supported. Soft skills help create psychologically safe environments where people thrive.

In short: technical skills might get you hired, but soft skills help you grow, lead, and stay relevant.

 

Where Soft Skills Reduce Friction

Here are just a few friction points soft skills help smooth out:

• Misunderstandings
• Conflict or interpersonal tension
• Lack of trust
• Poor collaboration
• Resistance to feedback or change
• Low morale or engagement
• Disconnected or demotivated teams
• Customer dissatisfaction

Soft skills help you handle these moments with clarity, empathy, and control. They keep things moving when they could easily fall apart.

 

“Soft Skills are Just Natural”… Right?

One of the most common myths about soft skills is that they’re innate. People assume you’re either a “people person” or you’re not, either emotionally intelligent or tone-deaf.

But this simply isn’t true.

Soft skills can be learned, developed, and refined over time. And like any skill, they get sharper with intention and practice. And if this is something you’d like to know more about, check out my post on Growth Mindset.

I know this firsthand. I used to volunteer for Samaritans, an organization that supports people in emotional distress across the United Kingdom and the Republic of Ireland. The role isn’t about giving advice, it’s about listening. In fact, our official title was Listening Volunteers.

We didn’t solve problems. We listened, empathized, and validated. These weren’t natural talents; they were practiced soft skills. And sometimes, they saved lives.

 

Some of the Most Valuable Soft Skills

There are hundreds of ways to categorize soft skills, but here are some of the most impactful:

Core soft skills:

• Communication – being clear, concise, and compassionate
• Emotional intelligence – recognizing and managing emotions
• Collaboration – working well with others toward a shared goal
• Adaptability – staying flexible when things change
• Listening – truly hearing what others say, not just waiting to respond
• Organization – managing time and tasks efficiently
• Problem-solving – finding smart, practical solutions

More niche but powerful soft skills:

• Empathy – understanding someone else’s perspective without judgment
• Cultural awareness – navigating diverse teams with sensitivity
• Conflict resolution – handling disagreement constructively
• Storytelling – sharing ideas through engaging and relatable stories
• Influence – persuading others without force

 

Why You Should Invest in Your Soft Skills

Soft skills are the icing on the cake. They make good work great, and great teams exceptional.

Soft skills don’t always get the spotlight. They don’t show up in KPIs or performance dashboards. They’re difficult to measure, and because of that, they’re often overlooked in traditional professional development paths.

 

But if you master them, you’ll shine in ways others can’t explain. You’ll seem calm under pressure. People will want to work with you. Leaders will trust you with more responsibility.

You’ll become a smooth operator and glide through tough moments, resolve issues, build bridges, and lift teams.

In a world rapidly shaped by technology, artificial intelligence, and automation, one truth remains constant: people work with people. No AI can do this better than humans, no AI can do this better than you can.

How to Develop Soft Skills: Practical Tips

If you want to take your soft skills seriously, treat them like any other area of growth. Be deliberate.

Here are a few ways to start:

1. Seek feedback
Ask colleagues, friends, or mentors: “What’s one thing I could improve in how I communicate or collaborate?” You don’t need a formal 360 review, just honest conversations.

And once you’ve gathered feedback, take time to reflect. My post on Introspection explores how reflection can turn feedback into real growth.

2. Observe role models
Watch how skilled communicators handle tension, how great leaders listen, how some people navigate conflict without drama. Learn by watching and then try to model those behaviors.

3. Use skill-specific exercises

• Try active listening (e.g., paraphrasing back what someone said before responding)
• Keep a journal where you reflect on how others might have experienced a situation
• Practice assertive communication, being clear and direct, maintaining compassion without being rude or offensive – a fine line that’s difficult to master.

4. Develop Soft Skills Through Real-Life Experiences

For example, joining a group like Toastmasters International gives you regular opportunities to practice public speaking, active listening, and giving constructive feedback. You’ll learn to read a room, adapt your tone, and communicate with clarity, all in a supportive environment.

Volunteering is another great option. Whether it’s mentoring, community outreach, or support roles, these experiences build empathy, patience, and teamwork in real-world settings.

Real-world growth through hard work is powerful. I share more on that here.

5. Try formal training
Courses, workshops, or coaching can be incredibly effective. Just make sure they’re practical, not just theory-based.

Want to go deeper? These books are excellent companions to developing soft skills:

·       Crucial Conversations by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler – Master high-stakes conversations with clarity and empathy.

·       Radical Candor by Kim Scott – Learn how to give honest feedback while showing genuine care.

 

Final Thoughts: The Invisible Edge

Soft skills won’t earn you a certificate. You won’t always get public credit for them. But they’re the difference between being technically competent and being truly exceptional.

If you want to reduce friction in your career, your relationships, and your growth, work on your soft skills. You don’t need to overhaul everything. Just pick one area to focus on this month.

Start small but be deliberate. Soft skills are no longer “nice to have”. They’re essential. So, here’s your challenge: pick one soft skill to focus on this month. Practice it. Reflect on it. Ask for feedback.

Because when things get stuck, soft skills are the social WD-40 that keep you moving.

Introspection: You Are the Problem and the Solution, but Have You Looked Within?

How Honest Reflection Unlocks Personal Growth

 

Illustration by Fast Ink on Unsplash

In a world that constantly demands our attention, with pings, deadlines, and distractions, it’s easy to forget the one voice that matters most: our own.

That’s where introspection comes in.

What Is Introspection?

Introspection is thinking about who you are and how you operate. It’s the process of thinking deeply about your thoughts, emotions, behaviors, and motivations. Not to judge yourself, but to understand what’s really going on beneath the surface.

Introspection is not just about self-awareness, but self-honesty.

It’s asking questions like:

• Why did I react that way?
• What am I afraid of?
• What belief is shaping this decision?

Carl Jung once said, “Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” Introspection is how you make the unconscious conscious. It’s the starting point of self-mastery.

Why We Avoid Introspection

Modern life makes it easy to avoid introspection. With constant notifications, streaming content, and endless to-do lists, you can go months without a quiet moment.

Avoiding responsibility might protect your ego in the short term, but it kills your progress long-term. Distractions offer temporary relief. Introspection leads to permanent change.

If you want to grow, you must look inward.

The Challenge of Understanding Yourself

We all have blind spots. Our brains are wired to protect our self-image, which means we often distort reality. Here are three common biases that block honest introspection:

-        Confirmation Bias. We tend to seek out and interpret information that confirms what we already believe about ourselves, avoiding anything that challenges our self-image.

-        Self-Serving Bias. We attribute our successes to our own abilities, but blame failures on external factors. This protects our ego but prevents honest self-assessment.

-        Egocentric Bias. We overestimate our role in events or assume others see things from our perspective, which can distort how we interpret interactions and feedback.

Another reason introspection is so challenging is cognitive dissonance. Cognitive dissonance is a term from psychology that refers to the mental discomfort we feel when our actions don’t align with our values or beliefs. To ease that discomfort, we often deceive ourselves by telling stories that justify our behavior, even if they aren’t the whole truth.

“I only snapped because they were being disrespectful.”

“I didn’t follow through because the timing wasn’t right.”

These might be partly true. But they often mask deeper reasons, ones that require humility to face. Growth begins when we stop soothing our ego and start seeking the truth.

This idea is explored in the book: Leadership and Self-Deception: Getting Out of the Box. The book describes how we often justify our actions to protect our ego, seeing others as problems instead of people. It calls this being “in the box.” Getting out means facing uncomfortable truths and choosing growth over self-protection.

Introspection often reveals uncomfortable truths, especially when we’ve failed. But failure isn’t the end, it’s a chance to learn. You can read more about that in my post Finding Opportunities in Failure.

Introspection done wrong

We can all overthink at times, and with introspection, this can take the form of rumination. Be careful not to overthink past mistakes, get stuck in analysis, or mentally punish yourself. You should also avoid self-justification, making excuses that let you off the hook.

Like any tool, introspection can be misused. But when applied with intention, it becomes a catalyst for personal growth.

Introspection done right

The sweet spot is reflection with purpose, which means using what you learn to make better decisions.

You’ve probably heard of the 80/20 rule, also known as the Pareto Principle, named after Italian economist Vilfredo Pareto. It suggests that 80% of outcomes come from 20% of inputs. Introspection helps you find that vital 20%.

Most people work hard without ever stopping to ask if they’re working on the right things.

Introspection helps you identify the 20 percent that really matters. The patterns, beliefs, and habits that either drive your growth or hold you back.

This isn’t about doing more. It’s about doing the right things better.

If you're ready to take what introspection reveals and turn it into action, developing a growth mindset is a powerful next step. I explore this idea further in my post Fulfil Your Potential with a Growth Mindset.

Feedback Helps, But You Still Have to Look

Feedback can be incredibly valuable for growth. But if feedback is the vehicle for progress, then introspection is the fuel that powers it forward. Without taking time to reflect and examine how feedback applies to your life, you won’t be able to fully benefit from it. With introspection, feedback transforms from mere information into something you can act on.

You can receive all the advice in the world, but if you’re not willing to look inward, process it honestly, and act on it, it won’t lead to growth. Introspection turns feedback into transformation.

It takes humility to absorb feedback and courage to apply it. But when paired with introspection, feedback becomes one of your most powerful tools for change.

Honest introspection helps us understand our emotional triggers and responses. If you'd like to explore this idea further, check out my post, WhyEmotional Intelligence Might Be the Key to Your Growth.

A Simple Framework for Reflection

Here’s a basic framework you can use to reflect on any experience or challenge:

1. What happened?
2. How did I feel?
3. Why did I react that way?
4. What belief or fear was driving me?
5. What can I learn or do differently next time?

You’ll find different questions work better in different situations. But the goal is always the same: awareness and improvement.

How Introspection Has Helped Me

I practice regular introspection, and this is supported by counseling sessions. It’s helped me uncover blind spots I wouldn’t have seen on my own.

For example, I’ve always seen myself as someone who communicates clearly and directly. But through counseling, I’ve become aware that directness can sometimes come across as abrupt or insensitive, especially in emotionally charged situations.

This insight didn’t come from feedback alone. It came from reflecting on that feedback, sitting with it, and asking myself tough questions. Now, I pause before sending a blunt message. I consider tone, timing, and impact. And when I misstep, I own it and make it right.

This is just one example, but introspection has helped me in countless ways. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s always worth it.

Final Thoughts: Own the Problem, Own the Solution

You are the problem. It sounds harsh, but it’s also empowering. Because if you’re the problem, then you’re also the solution.

You’re not broken, just unaware. And awareness is the first step to mastery.

When you take full responsibility for how you think, act, and grow, you unlock your ability to change. Introspection is not always comfortable, but it’s necessary. It’s how you turn awareness into action and potential into progress.

The hardest person to face is yourself. Introspection isn’t about fixing who you are. It’s about meeting yourself where you are, so you can make meaningful, positive changes.

Start with one honest question. Sit with it. See what it reveals. Growth begins when you look within.

Brevity: Less Really Can Be More

Photo by Mark König on Unsplash

If I were being literal with this post, all it would say is “shorter messages are more effective.” If you get that, we’re already on the same page. If you didn’t, let me tell you about brevity.

So, what is brevity? It means saying what needs to be said and no more. It’s not about stripping away meaning, but about stripping away clutter. It helps you get your point across quicker and more clearly without losing the meaning. In fact, it can lead to better understanding and more impact.

In a world overloaded with information, attention is scarce. That makes clear, concise communication a real advantage. Brevity isn’t about cutting corners. It’s about cutting through. It forces clarity, shows intention, and respects your reader’s time. Whether you're writing an email, giving feedback, or pitching an idea, fewer words often lead to greater impact.

Think of some of the most powerful phrases in history: “I have a dream.” “Just do it.” “Think different.” They’re short, but they stick. Mastering brevity is about knowing what matters and having the discipline to leave the rest out.

Brevity Creates Clarity

When you're concise, you’re forced to get clear on what you actually mean. That clarity shows in your message. Rambling doesn’t just lose your audience. It’s usually a signal that you haven’t figured out what you're trying to say yet.

Brevity makes it easier for your reader to grasp your message. That clarity increases the chances of achieving the outcome you’re aiming for.

Say More by Saying Less

Brevity isn’t about being vague or cold. It’s about being precise. It’s the difference between dumping information and delivering a message that lands.

Effective communication isn't just short. It’s sharp. It hits the right level of detail for the audience. That means high-level by default, unless someone really needs specifics. You should say no more than you need to, but no less either.

The result? Messages that are clear, direct, and far more likely to get a response. If you want to strengthen your communication skills and understand why they matter, check out my post Communication Is a Superpower.  

Churchill and the Power of Clear Writing

During World War II, Winston Churchill issued a memo to his staff urging them to write more simply and clearly. He asked for shorter reports written in plain language. In the middle of a global war, he still found time to push for clearer communication. That tells you how important it is. He understood that long, wordy reports cloud decision-making. Brevity sharpens it.

Orwell’s Timeless Rules

GeorgeOrwell wrote six rules for good writing. Two stand out here:

#2: Never use a long word where a short one will do.

#3: If it is possible to cut a word out, always cut it out.

These rules are simple, but powerful. They remind us that clear writing is not about showing off. It’s about making meaning easy to grasp.

If You Ramble, You Lose People

When your message is full of filler or over-explaining, people tune out. We all do. The longer you take to get to the point, the harder it is for others to know what matters. That makes your message less likely to land.

I’ve made a conscious effort to keep my work messages more succinct, especially in emails and requests. And I’ve noticed something: I get more responses. People engage more. Brevity works.

Brevity Is Worth the Effort

As the saying goes, “If I had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.” The quote is widely attributed to Mark Twain, Blaise Pascal, and others. But the point is what matters: brevity takes effort. It requires you to slow down and think more before you speak or hit send.

But the payoff is worth it. You don’t just communicate better. You’re more likely to get the result you want.

As I’ve written before in Communication Is a Superpower, clarity is one of the most underrated tools for growth.

Growth takeaway: If you want to be heard, don’t say more. Say what matters.